本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Small talk, big deal
By Denise Kersten, USATODAY.com
It's a fact of the working world: People like to do business with friends.
Whether you're up for a promotion, looking for a new job or asking the administrative staff for extra support — it always helps to have an in.
Small talk can help create these connections. Though it's often ridiculed as "fluffy" or "fake," discussing our personal interests, current events and, especially, what we have in common, helps us to see each other as more than just the functions we perform.
"I have never heard a great conversationalist denigrate small talk," says Susan RoAne, author of What Do I Say Next?
Of course, if you've waited until you need a favor to take an interest in your colleague's Shih Tzu or to discuss fly fishing with the CEO, you've waited too long.
When your goal is simply to smooth talk someone into doing what you want, others will see through you. Instead, aim to boost your personal and professional satisfaction by letting people know who you are, as well as learning who they are.
"They will feel you're more of a human being because human beings do more than just work," says Debra Fine, author of The Fine Art of Small Talk. You'll register on their radar, and they'll be more likely to think of you when opportunities arise.
Yet many of us shy away from striking up conversations with people we've never talked to before — especially those who rank much higher or lower in the organization. We duck into the restroom to avoid an awkward elevator ride or give one-word answers when someone asks how the weekend went.
Fine, a former engineer, admits she was once an office wallflower. "I was a dork," Fine says. "I just didn't know what you're supposed to say to anybody."
Technology isn't helping matters, as e-mail and instant messaging supplant face-to-face interactions. "Our communication is getting faster, it's getting shorter, it's getting more distant," says Professor Bernardo Carducci, director of the Shyness Research Institute at Indiana University Southeast.
Building rapport comes naturally to certain personality types, but for others it requires practice. "It is a skill just like anything else," Carducci says.
Don't wait for someone to take an interest in you. "It's up to you to take the risk," Fine says.
"Approximately 40% of the population is shy," Carducci says, so there's a good chance your colleague who seems preoccupied or aloof is struggling for something to say to you. Begin by setting goals for yourself, like chatting with one new person every day or starting conversations with three key people.
Avoid pressuring yourself to come up with something witty and wonderful. "Don't look for the perfect thing to say because there is no perfect thing to say," Fine says.
The key to breaking the ice: "You don't have to be brilliant," Carducci says. "You just have to be nice."
The best opening lines relate to something you have in common. A simple observation on your shared environment will do; discussing a mutual interest is even better.
If someone introduces himself or herself to you, avoid responses that will stall the conversation. Without rambling, mention something your co-worker can ask about. If you've just returned from vacation or recently taken a new job, say so.
"Give them something to talk to you about," Fine says. "Throw the conversational ball."
Before arriving at an event where you'll be networking, spend a few minutes brainstorming conversation topics. Staying on top of current events helps. In a pinch, skim your newspaper's sports section and check out the book and movie reviews.
Always have something to say when people ask you what's new. "Not much" is the wrong answer. Similarly, when asked how your weekend went, "fine" isn't good enough.
Visual cues also work. RoAne likes to wear unusual pins that serve as conversation pieces. Hanging pictures in your office or cubicle can help, especially if they tell people something about you.
It might be worthwhile to play up a particular interest or hobby. If you're known around the office as the kayaker or cat lover, no one will wonder how to start a conversation with you.
Likewise, if you learn someone adores Buffy the Vampire Slayer or the art of bonsai, use this information. "They are giving you the gift of gab," RoAne says.
Most importantly, smile. Put your conversational partner at ease, and the chat will flow.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
By Denise Kersten, USATODAY.com
It's a fact of the working world: People like to do business with friends.
Whether you're up for a promotion, looking for a new job or asking the administrative staff for extra support — it always helps to have an in.
Small talk can help create these connections. Though it's often ridiculed as "fluffy" or "fake," discussing our personal interests, current events and, especially, what we have in common, helps us to see each other as more than just the functions we perform.
"I have never heard a great conversationalist denigrate small talk," says Susan RoAne, author of What Do I Say Next?
Of course, if you've waited until you need a favor to take an interest in your colleague's Shih Tzu or to discuss fly fishing with the CEO, you've waited too long.
When your goal is simply to smooth talk someone into doing what you want, others will see through you. Instead, aim to boost your personal and professional satisfaction by letting people know who you are, as well as learning who they are.
"They will feel you're more of a human being because human beings do more than just work," says Debra Fine, author of The Fine Art of Small Talk. You'll register on their radar, and they'll be more likely to think of you when opportunities arise.
Yet many of us shy away from striking up conversations with people we've never talked to before — especially those who rank much higher or lower in the organization. We duck into the restroom to avoid an awkward elevator ride or give one-word answers when someone asks how the weekend went.
Fine, a former engineer, admits she was once an office wallflower. "I was a dork," Fine says. "I just didn't know what you're supposed to say to anybody."
Technology isn't helping matters, as e-mail and instant messaging supplant face-to-face interactions. "Our communication is getting faster, it's getting shorter, it's getting more distant," says Professor Bernardo Carducci, director of the Shyness Research Institute at Indiana University Southeast.
Building rapport comes naturally to certain personality types, but for others it requires practice. "It is a skill just like anything else," Carducci says.
Don't wait for someone to take an interest in you. "It's up to you to take the risk," Fine says.
"Approximately 40% of the population is shy," Carducci says, so there's a good chance your colleague who seems preoccupied or aloof is struggling for something to say to you. Begin by setting goals for yourself, like chatting with one new person every day or starting conversations with three key people.
Avoid pressuring yourself to come up with something witty and wonderful. "Don't look for the perfect thing to say because there is no perfect thing to say," Fine says.
The key to breaking the ice: "You don't have to be brilliant," Carducci says. "You just have to be nice."
The best opening lines relate to something you have in common. A simple observation on your shared environment will do; discussing a mutual interest is even better.
If someone introduces himself or herself to you, avoid responses that will stall the conversation. Without rambling, mention something your co-worker can ask about. If you've just returned from vacation or recently taken a new job, say so.
"Give them something to talk to you about," Fine says. "Throw the conversational ball."
Before arriving at an event where you'll be networking, spend a few minutes brainstorming conversation topics. Staying on top of current events helps. In a pinch, skim your newspaper's sports section and check out the book and movie reviews.
Always have something to say when people ask you what's new. "Not much" is the wrong answer. Similarly, when asked how your weekend went, "fine" isn't good enough.
Visual cues also work. RoAne likes to wear unusual pins that serve as conversation pieces. Hanging pictures in your office or cubicle can help, especially if they tell people something about you.
It might be worthwhile to play up a particular interest or hobby. If you're known around the office as the kayaker or cat lover, no one will wonder how to start a conversation with you.
Likewise, if you learn someone adores Buffy the Vampire Slayer or the art of bonsai, use this information. "They are giving you the gift of gab," RoAne says.
Most importantly, smile. Put your conversational partner at ease, and the chat will flow.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net