本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Dear Mr. Ray Barnes:
My name is ***, a former （为什么former？你现在已经不是他们的客户了吗？）BMO client. I am writing to you to （to you显得多余）express my great thanks to Ms. Noshin Assifi at your branch for her great （前面已经有了一个great thanks，为避免重复，这里只用effort就够了）effort made in solving an unauthorized transaction problem （problem在这里显得多余）that happened to my Master card ((#****************） in November 2003. Please let me give you more details in the following. （这句话没有实际意义，建议删去）
In July 2006, when（这里不能用when，否则句子不通）I went to Equifax to check out （check就可以了，这里不需要用check out，更好的话可以用review这个词）my credit rating （这里似乎应该用名词rate，而不是rating）for my mortgage. To my surprise, I found my credit rating （见前述）is （这里应该用was）incredible （incredibly，副词）low. Then I found the only very （这里very似为possible之误）reason was that I had a few payments past due （好像用overdue payments好一些）ranging from June to Auguest of 2005 （最好用between...and...表示一段时间）resulted （应为resulting） from my Master Card with BMO （result from后接原因，而my Master Card显然不是一个原因）, which was actually based on one single $19.95 US dollars （严格地说，要么写US$19.95，要么写US dollars 19.95，不要混用）transaction （这里好像用one single transaction of US$19.95比较好）. In addtion, a " written-off" comment was added under （这里要用定冠词the）BMO section. Clearly and obviously （这两个副词在这里都没起到作用，不如不用）I did not use that Master Card at all since it was issued to me. Therefore it was an unauthorized transaction. I quickly phoned the BMO legal department several times and left my detailed message (messages，复数）at the number 416-237-5222. Unfortunately, nobody answered the phone (已经left messages显然每没人接电话，answered the phone应删去）or returned my call. At last one day she (please allow me not to mention her name)（你不想提名字的话可以说a lady，但不要说she，否则指代不清） picked up the phone, without listening to me for any detail, insisting that the transaction was done by me and I deserved the punishment of being lowered credit rating （这句话过于臃肿，建议改写为若干简单句）. I was desperate（desperated，形容词）. I had nowhere to clarify myself （你可以clarify一件事情，但不是你自己）. To be honest （这里好像应该用In fact）, this incident had （has，不是had）created significant negative immpression in my mind on BMO （别人能理解你的意思，但你的说法显得比较别扭）. I was even wondering how can BMO （应为how BMO can) do its business with such kind of employee （BMO不会do business with employees, they do business with their clients，这里主语和宾语不一致） who had such an irresponsible attitude towards the clients
Then the thing (用things好一些）turned around dramatically. In (需要定冠词the）Coffee Time located at Victoria and Sheppard I met you and talked about my above-mentioned (你可以用aforementioned) problem. You kindly and quickly refered me to Ms. Noshin Assifi. Upon meeting （这里不能遗漏Ms.）Noshin Assifi, all my negative impression on BMO is (应为was）gone instantly and completely （这里gone instantly and completely，你可以简单地说went away就行了）. I would say she is another extreme （我理解你的意思，但这里用extreme这个词不太合适）of the BMO employees spectrum: higly （highly，拼写错误）helpful and enthusiastic. She was listening to my detailed story with greatest patience. Then swiftly took her action （actions，复数）. She took advantage of every resources to sovle my problem by making plentyful （拼写，或者可以说a number of）of phone calls and a handful of （a handful of在这里显得多余）emails. Every effort she made was pushing the problem one step forward towards to (towards和to两者是一回事，只能取其一）its final solution. The thing was draging (拼写）on almost for four months. I can imagine she had spent tremendous time on solving my problem. Finally, her precious time was paid off. It has （这里不需用has）turned out that （需要定冠词the）$19.95 US dollars transaction was someone else did it （这句语法有错）by using an internet website CCBILL.COM. Now BMO has agreed to amend (简单一点，用fix）my credit rating back to R1 although I still have not got my money back resulted from my payment in August 2006 to that transaction（此句不通）.
Well, all in all, this incident has given me a brand new eye to look at BMO. I strongly believe BMO will have more prosperous business due to its employees like Ms. Noshin Assifi. The BMO should be proud of Noshin Assifi, who has a helpful, entusiastic and responsible attitude towards the customers, and who has a spirit to seek the truth. In my opinion, she should be highly praised and should be set as an example in BMO. Please do pass this letter to （这里不能遗漏Ms.）Noshin Assifi. I am so grateful to her.
I whish you and her the best!
Yours truly,更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
