只能帮你改改明显的语法错误，括号里是我认为比较正确的表达方法。 -lazycow(现在是什么季节？@@) @美国华人论坛:美国枫下论坛 The Rolia Forum of USA

只能帮你改改明显的语法错误，括号里是我认为比较正确的表达方法。

lazycow(现在是什么季节？@@)

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Preparing food is a big problem for many people, so food industries develop very well(have been/are very well developed) . People can buy some fast food from supermarket, prepared (prepare) their dinner in 10 minutes and ate them all (eat them?/it up) in 15 minutes. Some people think this change saved (saves) our (their --- according to "some people)time and improved (improves) the way people live, but I don’t (never use don't in a formal writing, shoule be "do not" )think this change is good for us.

This change will hurt (hurts/is hurting) our feeling. The modern social pace is too hurry to communicate with our lovers. (Our fast-paced social life gives up little time to communicate with our lovers.) Many people just (only) ate (eat) one meal (dinner) in their house (at home). If a husband can prepare food with his wife, they can use that time to share their funny things in work time and communicate their opinions. (When husband and wife prepare dinner together, it is a good time for them to share the funny things they get from work and to communicate with each other) It is very important to promote the couple emotion (sorry, no idea how to improve this sentence) . If the time of preparing food is too short to communicate, the couple’s feeling might be separated by time.

Furthermore, the food prepared by factories is not safe (? too bias opinion). As an industry, (for economic sake,) the factory must (have to) prepare a bulky food at once (as a lot). They could not clear every thing very carefully, so they have to use some chemical materials to kill bacteria, make the food look nice and prevent food decay. The chemical materials are not good for your body (either).

The last reason is that (Finally), the food prepared by factories is not very fresh. There are many processes from factories to customers. It takes too long (too much time). You cannot use the(this) kinds of (food) cook very delicious and healthy dinner.

As all of the reasons, (therefore,) we can draw a conclusion that this change (do not use "this change" here, state the topic instead) will hurt our feeling and our bodies. If you want a healthy and happy life, you should buy very fresh food, prepare food with your family and enjoy your dinner. Do not think it will waste your time. It is a part of your life. Try to do it, and then you will find many interesting things hiding in it.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

(#479090@0)
Last Updated: 2002-4-24
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my essay -littleboat(准备托福中); 2002-4-24 {1722} (#479025@0)

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Preparing food is a big problem for many people, so food industries develop very well. People can buy some fast food from supermarket, prepared their dinner in 10 minutes and ate them all in 15 minutes. Some people think this change saved our time and improved the way people live, but I don’t think this change is good for us.

This change will hurt our feeling. The modern social pace is too hurry to communicate with our lovers. Many people just ate one meal in their house. If a husband can prepare food with his wife, they can use that time to share their funny things in work time and communicate their opinions. It is very important to promote the couple emotion. If the time of preparing food is too short to communicate, the couple’s feeling might be separated by time.

Furthermore, the food prepared by factories is not safe. As an industry, the factory must prepare a bulky food at once. They could not clear every thing very carefully, so they have to use some chemical materials to kill bacteria, make the food look nice and prevent food decay. The chemical materials are not good for your body.

The last reason is that the food prepared by factories is not very fresh. There are many processes from factories to customers. It takes too long. You cannot use the kinds of cook very delicious and healthy dinner.

As all of the reasons, we can draw a conclusion that this change will hurt our feeling and our bodies. If you want a healthy and happy life, you should buy very fresh food, prepare food with your family and enjoy your dinner. Do not think it will waste your time. It is a part of your life. Try to do it, and then you will find many interesting things hiding in it.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

这篇没昨天那篇写的好。小舟，你应该用利落清晰的语言，言简意赅的表达你的观点。且，观点最好与众不同有新义。减少语法错误。虽然你整体结构清晰，但是每一段内容还是不够精炼。下次注意。---萝老师评。 -luobotour(萝卜头儿); 2002-4-24 (#479040@0)

收到. 下次一定注意. 谢谢. -littleboat(准备托福中); 2002-4-24 (#479050@0)

别客气，我说的是真的。不会随便吹捧，这样对你有利。希望你别见怪。 -luobotour(萝卜头儿); 2002-4-24 (#479077@0)

俺的意见：语法错误太多，通篇时态不一致，有些动词应该用被动语态。很多低级错误，对分数影响太大。感觉是中国式英语。人称似乎也不一致。（不中听，见谅） -lazycow(现在是什么季节？@@); 2002-4-24 (#479041@0)

懒牛说话很有见地的样子！你说提高写作水准有什么好方法吗？觉得写点像样的东西是最难的了。 -decentboy(小皮皮猪的叔叔㊣No.1); 2002-4-24 (#479047@0)

新东方有提倡难句提神的.不过看那些范文往往是舒畅平实的,当然也有华丽夺目的.我觉得中英文写作是一回事,笔风不同,但都是好文,异路同途吧!^_^ -rainrain(小皮皮猪的雨雨阿姨); 2002-4-24 (#479053@0)

新东方的东西也就是对付考试还行....现在天天写文档，词汇和句式都已经捉襟见肘了.... -decentboy(小皮皮猪的叔叔㊣No.1); 2002-4-24 (#479066@0)
我现在可不敢追求华丽夺目。万一晃着了老板的眼睛，我可担待不起。 -decentboy(小皮皮猪的叔叔㊣No.1); 2002-4-24 (#479069@0)

据说进程往往是平和(因为肚子里没货)---华丽(有点墨水就想抖落)---平和(反正已经很酷了,平和也能出神入化).老大,你现在什么阶段*_^ -rainrain(小皮皮猪的雨雨阿姨); 2002-4-24 (#479074@0)

我也不知道我现在是什么状态，就是胆小，下笔就犯虚。老板表示文档不错，同事夸我很能（敢？）写....就我妹妹最实在，耸耸肩，so so .. -decentboy(小皮皮猪的叔叔㊣No.1); 2002-4-24 (#479091@0)

你在试图向我们展现一种传统美德,它的名字叫"谦虚"^_^ -rainrain(小皮皮猪的雨雨阿姨); 2002-4-24 (#479104@0)

不好意思，又被你不小心发现了我的一个优点，藏都藏不住 *_^ -decentboy(小皮皮猪的叔叔㊣No.1); 2002-4-24 (#479123@0)

多读，多写，无它。（听起来就是废话，哈哈） -lazycow(现在是什么季节？@@); 2002-4-24 (#479068@0)

读还好办，可多写怎么把握呀！写的太多了，怕脑子里都是成型的错误句式..... -decentboy(小皮皮猪的叔叔㊣No.1); 2002-4-24 (#479072@0)

多读正确的句式啊，可以试试牺牲阅读速度，能记住一些东西。 -lazycow(现在是什么季节？@@); 2002-4-24 (#479097@0)

向rollor那样帮我改改. 谢谢. -littleboat(准备托福中); 2002-4-24 (#479055@0)

建议你看一下LD给你上一片作文的评语, 另外你愿不愿让我LD帮你改一下, 她现在正好手头的学生不多, 不过是有条件的. :P -icesnowman(爱江山也爱美人); 2002-4-24 (#479064@0)

好啊! 谢谢! 我会很仔细的读的. -littleboat(准备托福中); 2002-4-24 (#479079@0)

LD说她帮你改文章, 你拿菜谱换, 怎么样, 合不合算? :-) -icesnowman(爱江山也爱美人); 2002-4-24 (#479094@0)

lol, 帮助人还讲条件。:p -lazycow(现在是什么季节？@@); 2002-4-24 (#479101@0)

大家各去所长, 互相帮助么, littleboat的菜谱早就远近闻名了. -icesnowman(爱江山也爱美人); 2002-4-24 (#479129@0)

口水ing... -lazycow(现在是什么季节？@@); 2002-4-24 (#479136@0)

没问题. 请你的LD帮我改改, 考完后请你们吃火锅. -littleboat(准备托福中); 2002-4-24 (#479128@0)

哈哈, LD不要金子, 要点金成石的指头. 我们请客, 准备好东西, 你来现场指导怎么样?check your e-mail, 你把文章用RTF送过来. -icesnowman(爱江山也爱美人); 2002-4-24 (#479155@0)

I sent it. Check your email please. -littleboat(准备托福中); 2002-4-24 (#479191@0)

只能帮你改改明显的语法错误，括号里是我认为比较正确的表达方法。 -lazycow(现在是什么季节？@@); 2002-4-24 {2417} (#479090@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Preparing food is a big problem for many people, so food industries develop very well(have been/are very well developed) . People can buy some fast food from supermarket, prepared (prepare) their dinner in 10 minutes and ate them all (eat them?/it up) in 15 minutes. Some people think this change saved (saves) our (their --- according to "some people)time and improved (improves) the way people live, but I don’t (never use don't in a formal writing, shoule be "do not" )think this change is good for us.

This change will hurt (hurts/is hurting) our feeling. The modern social pace is too hurry to communicate with our lovers. (Our fast-paced social life gives up little time to communicate with our lovers.) Many people just (only) ate (eat) one meal (dinner) in their house (at home). If a husband can prepare food with his wife, they can use that time to share their funny things in work time and communicate their opinions. (When husband and wife prepare dinner together, it is a good time for them to share the funny things they get from work and to communicate with each other) It is very important to promote the couple emotion (sorry, no idea how to improve this sentence) . If the time of preparing food is too short to communicate, the couple’s feeling might be separated by time.

Furthermore, the food prepared by factories is not safe (? too bias opinion). As an industry, (for economic sake,) the factory must (have to) prepare a bulky food at once (as a lot). They could not clear every thing very carefully, so they have to use some chemical materials to kill bacteria, make the food look nice and prevent food decay. The chemical materials are not good for your body (either).

The last reason is that (Finally), the food prepared by factories is not very fresh. There are many processes from factories to customers. It takes too long (too much time). You cannot use the(this) kinds of (food) cook very delicious and healthy dinner.

As all of the reasons, (therefore,) we can draw a conclusion that this change (do not use "this change" here, state the topic instead) will hurt our feeling and our bodies. If you want a healthy and happy life, you should buy very fresh food, prepare food with your family and enjoy your dinner. Do not think it will waste your time. It is a part of your life. Try to do it, and then you will find many interesting things hiding in it.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
文章里的人称我没有改，我觉得用“you”怎么怎么样，说教意识比较浓厚，比较中性的人称是“one”。 -lazycow(现在是什么季节？@@); 2002-4-24 (#479093@0)

thank you. -littleboat(准备托福中); 2002-4-24 (#479184@0)

范文 -littleboat(准备托福中); 2002-4-25 {2201} (#480470@0)

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛The twentieth century has brought with it many advances. With those advances, human lives have changed dramatically. In some ways life is worse, but mostly it is better. Changes in food preparation methods, for example, have improved our lives greatly.

The convenience of preparing food today is amazing. Even stoves have gotten too slow for us. Microwave cooking is much easier. We can press a few buttons and a meal is completely cooked in just a short time. People used to spend hours preparing an oven-cooked meal, and now they can use that time for other, better things. Plus, there are all kinds of portable, prepackaged foods we can buy. Heat them in the office microwave, and lunch at work is quick and easy.

Food preparation today allows for more variety. With refrigerators and freezers. We can preserve a lot of different foods in our homes. Since technology makes cooking so much faster, people are willing to make several dishes for even a small meal. Parents are more likely to let children be picky, now that they can easily heat them up some prepackaged macaroni and cheese on the side. Needless to say, adults living in the same house may have very different eating habits as well. If they don’t want to cook a lot of different dishes, it’s common now to eat out at restaurants several times a week.

Healthful eating is also easier than ever now. When people cook, they can use new fat substitutes and cooking sprays to cut fat and calories. This reduces the risk of heart disease and high cholesterol. Additionally, we can buy fruits and vegetables fresh, frozen or canned. They are easy to prepare, so many of us eat more of those nutritious items daily. A hundred years ago, you couldn’t imagine the process of taking some frozen fruit and ice from the freezer, adding some low-fat yogurt from a plastic cup and some juice from a can in the refrigerator, and whipping up a low-fat smoothie in the blender!

Our lifestyle is fast, but people still like good food. When new food preparation technology has given us is more choices. Today, we can prepare food that is more convenient, healthier, and of greater variety than ever before in history.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

@USA

只能帮你改改明显的语法错误，括号里是我认为比较正确的表达方法。

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