×

Loading...
Ad by
  • 最优利率和cashback可以申请特批，好信用好收入offer更好。请点链接扫码加微信咨询，Scotiabank -- Nick Zhang 6478812600。
Ad by
  • 最优利率和cashback可以申请特批，好信用好收入offer更好。请点链接扫码加微信咨询，Scotiabank -- Nick Zhang 6478812600。

@USA

FWD: Superman

gtagg(好心情)
A schoolteacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all.

On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with deskwork.

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

He had no discipline problems with any of his students that term.
(#5010982@0)
Last Updated: 2009-1-28
This post has been archived. It cannot be replied.
Report

Replies, comments and Discussions:

  • 工作学习 / 外语学习 / FWD: The atheist and the shark -gtagg(好心情); 2009-1-28 {1287} (#5010846@0)
    本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.

    As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"

    In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"

    Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"

    The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.

    As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.

    Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
    • FWD: Darla's doctor visit -gtagg(好心情); 2009-1-28 {1007} (#5010860@0)
      A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.

      The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"

      The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."

      The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess."

      The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Darla?"

      Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"

      The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out of it.

      About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
      The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!"
      • FWD: City Fisherman -gtagg(好心情); 2009-1-28 {1139} (#5010871@0)
        本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious, the man rowed over and asked, "What is the mirror for?"

        "That's my secret way to catch fish," said the other man. "Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat."

        "Wow! Does that really work?" asked the city fisherman.

        "You bet it does." replied the country fisherman.

        "Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $30 for it," said the city fisherman.

        "Well, it's the only mirror I have."

        "I'll increase it to $40," said the city fisherman.

        "How about $50" asked the country fisherman.

        "Let's split the difference. Here is $45," said the city fisherman.

        "Well, okay," says the country fisherman.

        After the money and mirror was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?"

        "You're the sixth," he said.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
        • FWD: Vanity Insanity -gtagg(好心情); 2009-1-28 {373} (#5010885@0)
          The girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."

          "What is it, child?"

          "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am."
          The priest turned, took a good look at the girl and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."
        • FWD: The Garden of Eden -gtagg(好心情); 2009-1-28 {454} (#5010903@0)
          A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

          "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

          "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
          "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. Clearly, they are Russian."
          • FWD: Ice cream -gtagg(好心情); 2009-1-28 {1451} (#5010926@0)
            本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Last week I took my children to a restaurant.

            My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads he said,
            "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert, and justice for all! Amen!"

            Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby I heard a woman remark, "Kids today don't even know how to pray.
            Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"

            Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"

            As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job and God was certainly not mad at him; an elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."

            "Really?" my son asked.

            "Cross my heart," the man replied. Then in a theatrical whisper he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

            Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal. My son stared at his for a moment and then did something I will
            remember the rest of my life.

            He picked up his sundae and without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes; and my soul is good already."更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
            • FWD: In the Barbershop -gtagg(好心情); 2009-1-28 {573} (#5010971@0)
              A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together.

              After the man received the full treatment: shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. he placed the boy in the chair.

              "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said, "I'll be back in a few minutes."

              When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."

              "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
              • FWD: Superman -gtagg(好心情); 2009-1-28 {589} (#5010982@0)
                A schoolteacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all.

                On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.

                Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with deskwork.

                When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

                He had no discipline problems with any of his students that term.

More Topics

  • 词汇量不够出丑了，有人说要当midwife，我以为是当第三者。我说这个不合适。
  • 读谈天说地冰球贴，求科普：任何鄙视歧视和侮辱和种族歧视华裔（包括亚裔）的词汇，另外请加一些解释。老师从来也不会教，GTP也不愿意给我一个清单，别人骂我们，我们都听不懂。
  • 最近学习写英语诗歌和散文，有哪些文学杂志可以投稿？稿费如何？
  • 有推薦的背單詞書嗎？我計劃在3-6個月內達到兩萬的詞彙量，希望到時能輕鬆讀英文小說。
  • Concerns have been raised as some major pharmaceutical companies are reportedly earning substantial profits from gender transition procedures for minors.
    • 枫下论坛主坛 /  工作学习 /  外语学习