本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛His name is Weiwei QI, a boy of only two and half years old. While other children of his age are enjoying their worry-free childhood, Weiwei is lying in the bed receiving Chemotherapy in Toronto Sick Kids Hospital. He is suffering from a rarely seen cancer: retinoblastoma (RB). He has undergone an enucleation surgery in China. The doctors in Beijing Tongren Hospital have referred them to Canada because Canada has the best ophthalmologists in the world and the treatment is much less costly than that in the U.S. However, all the money that his parents brought to Canada has been spent on the eyeball implantation surgery. A Systemic Chemotherapy is still needed to prevent the cancerous cells from spreading.
全段逐句直译
(例子比比皆是。呼吁大家募捐的文章,应该是准确,简洁,真实,生动,感人。翻译的过程本来也是一个再加工创造的过程。译者却在句句直译一篇蹩脚的中文文章。又不是习近平的外交讲话或什么法律文件要如此翻译?)
chinglish 及思维:
(比如:His name…, Only…, Lying in the bed…, a rarely seen…, has undergone…, the eyeball implantation surgery…, still needed…, the cancerous cells…, 等等,单独看没错,但地道的英语并不如此描述)。
文章重点不清意思不明
(你想表达什么观点:是想说这个小孩叫什么?多大了?所有其他两岁半小孩都无忧无虑,唯独这个小孩不是?他得了某种病?他在北京做了某种手术?北京有个医院叫同仁堂?加拿大的眼科医生世界最好?加拿大的眼科治疗比美国便宜。。。?1:这么一长段,讲了那么多事,信息量这么大, 你要说的到底是什么?直接点,不要绕弯子!2:其他两岁小孩都无忧无虑:普遍事实,谁都知道,不用描述浪费宝贵的篇幅和读者的时间。再说这么说也不准确因为也有为数不少的两岁小孩并非如此。3:北京医院的名字,没人care, 也和募捐无关。4。加拿大的眼科医生世界最好,价钱比美国便宜:确定吗?出处何在?如果呈现给大家的募捐文章中有太多如此的道听途说或主观上的东西,文章的credit和可信度就大打折扣了)
细节处错误不少冠词运用也不够准确。
In the bed。。 (医院只有一张床吗?应该是 in a bed);A rarely seen cancer(Caner是不可数名词,没有a cancer,2 cancers… 之说);an enucleation surgery (应该是 A Enucleation surgery), The doctors in Beijing Tongren Hospital have (The doctors? 应该是The doctor 或者Doctors, 准确的说法是His doctor/doctors)。referred them (them 指的是谁呀?让我猜猜看!!) his parents (parent 是集合名词,他有几对父母吗?)。。。
另外文章几乎全由一个个单句组成,就象小学生作文
(比比皆是,不必举例)。
考验读者的耐心和善心
(不再重复了)更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
全段逐句直译
(例子比比皆是。呼吁大家募捐的文章,应该是准确,简洁,真实,生动,感人。翻译的过程本来也是一个再加工创造的过程。译者却在句句直译一篇蹩脚的中文文章。又不是习近平的外交讲话或什么法律文件要如此翻译?)
chinglish 及思维:
(比如:His name…, Only…, Lying in the bed…, a rarely seen…, has undergone…, the eyeball implantation surgery…, still needed…, the cancerous cells…, 等等,单独看没错,但地道的英语并不如此描述)。
文章重点不清意思不明
(你想表达什么观点:是想说这个小孩叫什么?多大了?所有其他两岁半小孩都无忧无虑,唯独这个小孩不是?他得了某种病?他在北京做了某种手术?北京有个医院叫同仁堂?加拿大的眼科医生世界最好?加拿大的眼科治疗比美国便宜。。。?1:这么一长段,讲了那么多事,信息量这么大, 你要说的到底是什么?直接点,不要绕弯子!2:其他两岁小孩都无忧无虑:普遍事实,谁都知道,不用描述浪费宝贵的篇幅和读者的时间。再说这么说也不准确因为也有为数不少的两岁小孩并非如此。3:北京医院的名字,没人care, 也和募捐无关。4。加拿大的眼科医生世界最好,价钱比美国便宜:确定吗?出处何在?如果呈现给大家的募捐文章中有太多如此的道听途说或主观上的东西,文章的credit和可信度就大打折扣了)
细节处错误不少冠词运用也不够准确。
In the bed。。 (医院只有一张床吗?应该是 in a bed);A rarely seen cancer(Caner是不可数名词,没有a cancer,2 cancers… 之说);an enucleation surgery (应该是 A Enucleation surgery), The doctors in Beijing Tongren Hospital have (The doctors? 应该是The doctor 或者Doctors, 准确的说法是His doctor/doctors)。referred them (them 指的是谁呀?让我猜猜看!!) his parents (parent 是集合名词,他有几对父母吗?)。。。
另外文章几乎全由一个个单句组成,就象小学生作文
(比比皆是,不必举例)。
考验读者的耐心和善心
(不再重复了)更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net