×

Loading...
Ad by
  • 推荐 OXIO 加拿大高速网络，最低月费仅$40. 使用推荐码 RCR37MB 可获得一个月的免费服务
Ad by
  • 推荐 OXIO 加拿大高速网络，最低月费仅$40. 使用推荐码 RCR37MB 可获得一个月的免费服务

@USA

The lawyer and the farmer...

arfeifei(老顽童★[O|||||||O])
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛One day a lawyer was duck hunting on some land that neighbored a farmer's land. The lawyer shot a duck and by the time it fell to the ground it was on the farmer's property. The farmer was tending his land and saw it all. He got off his tractor and met the lawyer as he was retrieving the duck.
The lawyer says, "Sorry about that. Honest mistake. I didn't think he would make it to your property." The farmer replied, "Well, I've asked you before to not shoot anything if it ends up on my property. So I'm gonna have to keep that duck."
The lawyer quickly puffs out his chest and says, "Sir, I don't think that's gonna happen! I know we've talked about this but it was an honest mistake! Now listen, I shot this duck. It was over my land when I shot it. I have the proper licenses to harvest this duck, and if you intend to keep me from claiming this duck, I'll sue you!"
The farmer says, "Hold on a minute, there's no reason to throw around threats like that. We can handle this like men. How 'bout this: instead of going to court and whatnot, why don't we settle this like we did back in the old days. A little Swap 3?"
The lawyer says, "What in the world is Swap 3?"
The farmer explains, "It's real simple. Each guy gets to take 3 shots on the other guy: punching, kicking, elbowing, etc. and we go back and forth until one gives up."
The lawyer, being around 6'2" and nearing 250, sizes up the old farmer at around 5'8" and 175 pounds. The lawyer says, "Sir, you will rue the day you offered me this. I accept." They shook on it.
The farmer says, "Okay. Well, since the duck landed on my property, I think I should get the first shots. What do you say?"
The lawyer, almost feeling guilty for his clear size advantage, says, "Ok, that's fair enough."
The farmer rolls up his flannel sleeves, makes sure the lawyer is ready, and swiftly kicks him in the balls. The lawyer doubles over in absolute agony, spitting up and trying to catch his breath. The farmer gets closer to him, puts his hands on the lawyer's shoulders and knees him right in the kisser. The lawyer leans way back, trying not to fall backwards, and as soon as he regains his balance the farmer hits him with a clean right straight to the jaw. The lawyer tumbles over in a heap.
After the lawyer stood back up and wiped the blood off his mouth, he said to the farmer, "Alright, old man, you're really about to get it now!"
The farmer says, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
(#9517754@0)
Last Updated: 2015-6-19
This post has been archived. It cannot be replied.
Report

Replies, comments and Discussions:

  • 工作学习 / 外语学习 / A German, a Frenchman and an Englishman go fishing... -arfeifei(老顽童★[O|||||||O]); 2015-6-19 {1000} (#9517458@0) +1
    They fish quite happily for a while until the German catches a huge golden fish, but as he pulls it off the hook it says "Please don't kill me! Spare my life and I'll grant you all a wish!"
    The German throws the fish back and says "I wish for a mug of beer that will never empty", and immediately a foaming mug of ice-cold German ale appears in his hand. He takes a long swig and when he puts it down, it's still miraculously full! The Frenchman and Englishman are, of course, amazed.
    "I wish," said the Frenchman, "For a wall to be built around France, ten miles high and ten miles thick, so that nobody can get in and nobody can get out."
    The fish screws up its eyes in concentration for a moment then says. "Done! And what do you want?"
    "Is there a wall around France?" asks the Englishman
    "Yes." replies the fish.
    "Is it ten miles high and ten miles thick?"
    "Yes."
    "And can nobody get in, and nobody get out?"
    "Yes."
    "Well then," says the Englishman, "I want you to fill it with water."
    • A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink ..... -arfeifei(老顽童★[O|||||||O]); 2015-6-19 {1359} (#9517518@0) +1
      本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛so he calls a plumber. The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.
      The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumber and triple your salary. Just make sure you say you only made it to 6th grade, they don't like educated people."
      The professor takes him up on the offer and becomes a plumber. His salary triples and he doesn't have to work nearly as hard. But the company makes an announcement that all of their plumbers must get a 7th grade education. So they all go to night school.
      On the first day of night school they all attend math class. The teacher wants to gauge the class so he asks John, "What is the formula for the area of a circle?" John walks up to the board and is about to write the formula when he realizes he has forgotten it. So he begins to attempt to derive the formula, filling the board with complicated mathematics. He ends up figuring out it is negative pi times radius squared. He thinks the minus doesn't belong so he starts over, but again he comes up with the same equation. After staring at the board for a minute he looks out at the other plumbers and sees that they are all whispering, "Switch the limits on the integral!"更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
      • LOL -snowmantoronto(Snowman); 2015-6-19 (#9517609@0)
      • i don't understand the last sentence, 'coz I'm bad at both English and math. Anyone can give me a hand? -verano(Summer); 2015-6-19 (#9518058@0) +1
        • 那是高等数学求积分。而且在座的Plummer全部都懂，说明了。。。 -arfeifei(老顽童★[O|||||||O]); 2015-6-19 (#9518140@0)
          • Thanks... no wonder I don't know. :) -verano(Summer); 2015-6-19 (#9518260@0)
            • I knew it before but not in English. Now I returned all those knowledge to my calculus teacher. -arfeifei(老顽童★[O|||||||O]); 2015-6-19 (#9518287@0)
    • George Bush is with the Queen of England. -arfeifei(老顽童★[O|||||||O]); 2015-6-19 {1644} (#9517704@0) +1
      本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛George: "Your Majesty, any tips you can give me to stay in power, the way you have been for so long?"
      "Well" said the Queen, "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
      George frowned and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me are intelligent?"
      The Queen: "Easy, you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."
      The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "David Cameron, would you come in here, please?"
      David Cameron walked into the room and said, "Yes, ma'am?"
      The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please, David. Your mother and father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
      Without pausing for a moment, David Cameron answered, "That would be me, ma'am."
      "Very good! Thank you, David!" said the Queen.
      Then she turned to George with a smile and said "See?"
      Now its George's turn to apply the same logic...
      George went back to the USA and asked Jeb.. "Jeb, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
      "I'm not sure." said Jeb. "Let me get back to you on that one..."
      Jeb went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer...
      Finally, he ran into Obama and asked, "Hey, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"..
      Obama answered, "That's easy, it's me!"
      Jeb said, "Thanks!"
      Then he went back to George. "I did some thinking and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Barack Obama."
      George slapped him. and shouted.. "No! You dumb idiot! It's David Cameron."更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
    • The lawyer and the farmer... -arfeifei(老顽童★[O|||||||O]); 2015-6-19 {2459} (#9517754@0) +1
      本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛One day a lawyer was duck hunting on some land that neighbored a farmer's land. The lawyer shot a duck and by the time it fell to the ground it was on the farmer's property. The farmer was tending his land and saw it all. He got off his tractor and met the lawyer as he was retrieving the duck.
      The lawyer says, "Sorry about that. Honest mistake. I didn't think he would make it to your property." The farmer replied, "Well, I've asked you before to not shoot anything if it ends up on my property. So I'm gonna have to keep that duck."
      The lawyer quickly puffs out his chest and says, "Sir, I don't think that's gonna happen! I know we've talked about this but it was an honest mistake! Now listen, I shot this duck. It was over my land when I shot it. I have the proper licenses to harvest this duck, and if you intend to keep me from claiming this duck, I'll sue you!"
      The farmer says, "Hold on a minute, there's no reason to throw around threats like that. We can handle this like men. How 'bout this: instead of going to court and whatnot, why don't we settle this like we did back in the old days. A little Swap 3?"
      The lawyer says, "What in the world is Swap 3?"
      The farmer explains, "It's real simple. Each guy gets to take 3 shots on the other guy: punching, kicking, elbowing, etc. and we go back and forth until one gives up."
      The lawyer, being around 6'2" and nearing 250, sizes up the old farmer at around 5'8" and 175 pounds. The lawyer says, "Sir, you will rue the day you offered me this. I accept." They shook on it.
      The farmer says, "Okay. Well, since the duck landed on my property, I think I should get the first shots. What do you say?"
      The lawyer, almost feeling guilty for his clear size advantage, says, "Ok, that's fair enough."
      The farmer rolls up his flannel sleeves, makes sure the lawyer is ready, and swiftly kicks him in the balls. The lawyer doubles over in absolute agony, spitting up and trying to catch his breath. The farmer gets closer to him, puts his hands on the lawyer's shoulders and knees him right in the kisser. The lawyer leans way back, trying not to fall backwards, and as soon as he regains his balance the farmer hits him with a clean right straight to the jaw. The lawyer tumbles over in a heap.
      After the lawyer stood back up and wiped the blood off his mouth, he said to the farmer, "Alright, old man, you're really about to get it now!"
      The farmer says, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
      • I like this one -ellen649(艾伦); 2015-6-19 (#9517788@0)
        • Man's Best Friend..... -arfeifei(老顽童★[O|||||||O]); 2015-6-19 {851} (#9517800@0)
          A man feeling very depressed walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch. As the bartender poured him the drink he remarked, “That’s quite a heavy drink. Is something wrong?”
          After quickly downing his drink the man replied, “I got home and found my wife in bed with my best friend.”
          “Wow”, exclaimed the bartender as he poured the man a second triple scotch, “No wonder you needed a stiff drink. This one’s on the house.”
          As the man finished the second scotch, the bartender asked him, “So what did you do?”
          “I walked over to my wife”, the man replied, “looked her straight in the eye and told her that we were through. I told her to pack her bags and get the hell out.”
          “That makes sense”, said the bartender, “but what about your best friend?”

          “I walked over to him, looked him right in the eye and said ‘Bad dog!’”
          • 这个我不明白了。是真狗吗？ -ellen649(艾伦); 2015-6-19 (#9518129@0)
            • 这是男的到酒吧骗酒喝的借口！╮（￣▽￣）╭ -arfeifei(老顽童★[O|||||||O]); 2015-6-19 (#9518134@0)
    • A husband and wife decide that each can give the other one 3 rules they have to follow.... -arfeifei(老顽童★[O|||||||O]); 2015-6-19 {1103} (#9517873@0) +1
      本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛The wife starts. ´First of all, I want to watch a movie togheter once every week. And I get to decide which one´ Her husband says: ´Of course I agree honey.´
      The wife continues: ´Second of all, I want the house to smell nice. You need to make sure there are always 3 scented candles on.´
      Her husband says: ´Of course honey. I will do that even when you're not there.´
      The wife continues: ´And finally, you need to help take care of my cat. She needs food twice a day, and her litterbox needs to be cleaned once a day.´
      The husband says: ´Of course I will do that honey, especially when you're not there.´
      Now it is the husband's turn. ´First of all, I want the tv for myself for 3 hours a week.´
      The wife says: ´Of course I agree honey.´
      Her husband continues: ´Second of all, I want my car to look perfect. You need to clean off any dirt you see.´ The wife says: ´Of course honey. I will do that even when you're not there.´
      The husband continues: ´And finally, you need to give blowjobs.´
      The wife says: ´Of course I will do that honey, especially when you're not there.´更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

More Topics

  • Concerns have been raised as some major pharmaceutical companies are reportedly earning substantial profits from gender transition procedures for minors.
  • 人次怎么翻译？
  • What do you think about the life of a pet? A pet may be neutered to live in a foster home, how does it compare to that of a wild beast? Which life holds more meaning?
  • 有谁像我一样F**，S**这2个词来加拿大才知道的，高考词汇，六级词汇，GRE词汇都没有，老师也不会教，课本上也没有，你说我怎么会知道？
  • 有没有合适的英语黄色小说推荐，用来提高英语阅读水平。别的小说读不下去。
    • 枫下论坛主坛 /  工作学习 /  外语学习